Jesus said, "If your first concern is to look after yourself, youll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, youll find both yourself and me."

Matthew 10:39

It's a Tension Tamer Tea Day!

So I drink a little too much,
and I laugh a little too much,
and the tunes I request are not always the best.
But what else can you do at the end of a love affair._Chaka Khan_

I said I would never do that, write lyrics to a song on my blog, but it definitely fit. I had a ball the other night and I paid for it yesterday. One night of drinking and a full day to recover. The older I get the longer the recovery time. Tension Tamer Tea is great for hangovers!! It also works well for panic and anxiety attacks.




Drinking tea can help burn extra fat and calories.

Did you know that drinking tea can help you lose weight? It’s true. Some teas can even help burn fat and calories. A recent scientific study supports green tea’s ability to burn fat and increase metabolism! Read more....

Next I'll try 'Cellestial Seasoning's Detox tea.' Lord knows we can all use some detoxing, whether you drink or not.



“Find me a place in the sunlight
to sit and think and listen to
the sweet inner voice that says so quietly,
'Peace, be still'.”
— Joyce Sequichie Hifler

If someone ever asks
'What's wrong with your mind?'
I shall not utter a word
And keep the answer inward
'No, not the mind...
It's the pain inside...'

Ambien
I went to my doctor yesterday and spoke with her further about Ambien. She said we had to watch my use of Ambien more closely. In order for her to refill my perscription every month I will have to see her first. She called it a controlled substance. What is that exactly? I'll have to look it up. I asked her if that meant it was a narcotic. She said no. I have had problems in the past with narcotics in prescription drugs (Atavan knocked me on my ass) and I never want to go there again!! The more I read about Ambien the more I want to just let it go. Why wait for more problems to surface like sleepwalking. Or sleepdriving. Scary stuff.
The official Ambien site tells us all we need to know. They covered everything.
Not meant to be taken for long periods of time. Can be addicting.
I was given some advice in a forum I was in(Clinical practice discussion forum).. Check out the book "No More Sleepness Nights, By: Peter Hauri. I put it on order at the library right away.

To Ambien or not to Ambien, that is question....
I was so in between being manic and depressed today I don't know what to do with myself. If I don't take an Ambien tonight I will not sleep. But at the same time I am kind of afraid of Ambien. In the middle of the day, I start nodding out. I'm watching my nephew and I am like, gosh a nap would be good right now. I can't be getting drowsy taking care of a 2 year old. I would go to sleep and wake up finding that he has taken over. Juice and cereal all over me. I can see how people can fall asleep at the wheel if they had taken Ambien the night before. Maybe sleepwalking is next for me. HOPE NOT. That is one of the side effects right? More research needed on sleepwalking while on Ambien.....
Check out the Patrick Kennedy "May 2006 Capitol Hill accident report." I thought it was a reason to stop using Ambien until I read more about the incident, tonight. I think he was simply 'just drunk' and tried to blame it on Ambien. But, basically, he was drunk and taking Ambien. If he does have a serious drug problem, it needs to be adressed before someone really gets hurt or dead. The mixture can f$#& you up, right?? What is your opinion on that?? Any Ambien stories out there??
So for now I think I will take one and talk to my doctor in the morning. I will be seeing doctor Judy on Wednesday. I will try not to lie and say everything is OK. Cause it's only Ok on the days when I have to see her. The rest of the week can be basicly s#@t, but I will sit there and pretend like everything is peachy. I realize now that I have to be honest. I am still fighting with family members and others, when I get in these crazy ass moods. It's hard to tell the truth. I want to be sane!! I want to just pretend I am sane. When people who know me, ask me, "How are you doing today" I really don't want to burden them with the truth. What do I say "I've been going out of my mind today" Who really cares. Everyone has something more pressing to deal with, than dealing with little old Angie. I know I sound really down right now but, really I'm not. Just sorting through some junk in my head. I need a beer, so I'm going on a beer run.

You Are 62% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

You Are A Sometimes Ex

You're sometimes an ex, and sometimes you two are back together And while your ex may seem like old news right now... You've got to wonder why you keep getting sucked back in

What Type of Ex Are You?

This is what I did tonight instead of watching fireworks.I surfed blogs and did some surveys. I feel too jittery to watch the fireworks, jumping at every noise. I have this dreadful feeling that something really bad is going to happen tonight. I don't even want my son outside, but how can I ruin his fun because I'm having panic attacks???

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have low conscientiousness. Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously. Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions. Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism. It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed. You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully. You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

You Are an Excellent Cook

You're a top cook, but you weren't born that way. It's taken a lot of practice, a lot of experimenting, and a lot of learning. It's likely that you have what it takes to be a top chef, should you have the desire...

Are You A Good Cook?

You Are 36% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

'Morning After' Pill Helps Psychotic Depression:

Study(Oct. 8, 2002) It's stirred up much controversy, but the abortion pill known as RU486, also called mifepristone, appears to have another use that few are likely to oppose: a treatment for psychotic depression.

A small study on a group of 30 volunteers at Stanford University indicated that the abortion pill resulted in improvements in symptoms for psychotic depression, which can include not only feelings of hopelessness and sadness, but hallucinations and delusions.
"Some psychotically depressed patients are dramatically better within a few days," says Alan Schatzberg, MD, chair of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford. They stop hearing voices and having pessimistic kinds of delusions, like they're dying or the world is ending. We've seen the response within a four day study. This is fairly dramatic."
Read more.....

Happy Independance Day?

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies
In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776


Were you aware that on September 11,2001, 3 buildings fell in New York. They were all demolished with explosives detonated inside the buildings. Can you say cover up? Here is picture perfect proof. .
This is video of the third building being demolished

Who really has the weapons of mass destruction???
I pray for our troops safe return everyday. I pray that this madness will be over!!!

I really want to be more personal in my posts, but it's hard talking about myself, especially if family is reading my blog. Maybe I should just do a blog with an anonymous name. I have been reading a lot of blogs on being bipolar. I would rather use the old day term, manic depression, because the manic part is what really stands out. Some people don't want to admit to their doctors that they are manic (well, I had a hard time telling my doctor about the manic episodes) because the highs felt soooo good. The problem came when the high turned into a low low low. I would be talking a mile a minute, making all kinds of plans, cleaning the house like a mad woman, and that was the time when I would really drink heavily and sometimes drug. What a rush. Then the next day I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. Depressed as hell!! I have tried several drugs for the manic side of me. Let's see, I was on Risperdal twice. Each time I gained so much weight (30 pounds in one month) that I stayed depressed. Had to let that one go. Before that I tried Abilify, and that just put me in a daze for the two months I was on it. I started going to be hella early, 7 or 8 p.m. And then I would sleep until well after noon. What kind of life is that. When I told my doc he said that drug usually had an opposite effect on his other clients. It also gave me tremors, which sometimes felt like I had a tick. Well, I kind of gave up on my search for the right drug right. But I need to get back on track with that. I started having problems again. Mood swings and shit. One minute happy, next minute sad, next minute ready to scream!!! Any ideas on the right drug?