Loving Him Without Losing You

How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself
Loving Him without Losing You

With every man I have dated since I was 17 I have completely lost myself in my romantic relationships. I have neglected my jobs, family and friends.. I have definitely neglected my health, drinking too much, partying too hard and later regretting it. Whatever he was doing at the time I fell into. This is something I needed to work on in my life. Turn it all around. I needed to realize that being in love wasn’t everything. Well, more like being in love with the wrong man. I would jump into a relationship without first getting to know that person. What did we really have in common, partying, sex, and more partying? I was going nowhere fast.

I came across this book on my favorite web site (Paperback swap.) It’s called
“How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself; Loving Him without Losing You" by: Beverly Engel. I was in a relationship at the time (we’ll call him S.P.) and I found myself losing me again. I stopped working on my Blogs, I stopped reading, I didn’t spend much time with family members. Spending more time with him than the time my son needed me to spend with him. All I could do was day dream-about Him when I wasn’t with Him. This book helped me to put the brakes on, step back and take a deep breath. I think S.P. started to feel smothered also. So we decided to take a two-week break from each other. Well, it wasn’t a full two weeks, but we’re not seeing each other as much as we used to. I spend a lot more time with my son and I think we are both happier.

Jokes: Gassy Broad

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction. When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, ''He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems.'' So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.

A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and told him she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she could walk off any ill effect by the time she reached home. So she stopped at the diner, and before she knew it she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted.

Upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her, exclaming delightedly, ''Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'' He then blindfolded her then led her to a chair at the table. Just as he was about to remove the blindfold the phone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold till he came back. Then he went to answer the phone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted the weight to one leg, and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelt like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk coming froma pulp mill. She took a napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking. Keeping her ears turned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signed the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with the napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contently to herself, she was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removes the blindfold to reveal twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a first Happy Anniversary!

Jokes: Top Ten Tips To Know If You Have PMS

10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."
5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
3. You're counting down the days until menopause.
2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Jokes: 101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for yourremote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector stripsinto peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Jokes: Smart Ass Answers

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.

"What are my choices?" John asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.


SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."


SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."


SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window."I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam."Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Running From The One You Loved

Running From the One You Loved
Packing quickly, throwing some things in a bag.
Hurrying the child with sleep in his eyes. ..
Knowing that there isn't much time.
Running away from the one you loved.
The stranger waitng in the cab...

Compassion in his eyes.
Wanting to look back at the house where you thought

life would be good,
But there's no looking back, only forward.
Not quite recovered from the last beating. ..
Physically hurting and sick at heart,
Wondering how things had gone so wrong.
For so long, he had you convinced that it was your fault...
That you deserved all the pain he gave you.
For so long you had yourself convinced that if you just tried harder,

he would change.
Now knowing the truth. ..

You were the one who had to change.
You found the courage deep inside

To start a new life without the fear.
A better life for you and your child.
Running away from the one you loved.
Finding a love you'd lost. ..
The love of yourself.

I found this poem on this blog "Out of Darkness"... And it described exactly how I felt leaving my son's Dad in 1998. The pain is still fresh in my heart and it will always be there. I am a survivor!!

"Someone was hurt before you.....beaten before you; humiliated before you; raped before you; yet someone survived."~Maya Angelou

One of these days I will be able to sit down and write about my past abusive relationships. Until then I know I am a survivor.

3 faces of Johnny

Learning Photoshop 7.0

Sarah's Garden Now

Grandma Sarah's Fantasy Garden Summer of 2005

Learning to add text to photos with Photoshop 7.0

Grandma Sarah Imagining her future garden. Sometime in the 70s?

The Seven Great Prayers

1) I love you God
2) Thank you God for our nations troops.
3) God, you are inside me
4) I attract God's blessings
5) God, I see you everywhere
6) God bless and I love our troops
7) God, let me do your good works

Just playing around with our new digital camera!!

Cute Stuff

Gone Fishing

My Johnny at 12 years old. 2006-2007 school year.

I'll Be Happy When....

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enugh and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire. The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with...and remember that time waits for no one.
So, stop waiting...
Until your car or home is paid off.
Until you get a new car or home.
Until your kids leave the house.
Until you go back to school.
Until you finish school.
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married.
Until you get a divorce.
Until you have kids.
Until you retire.
Until summer...
Until spring.
Until winter.
Util fall.
Until you die!

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and, dance like no one's watching.

R.I.P. Cousin Drew (November 4, 1954-November 14,2005)

Johnny's drawings

Mimi, Tanisha, Cosette, Mom Marsha, Angelique(aka cozynblue) Sister Akimma
New camera needed for Christmas, Please. This pic was taken with one of those one time use cameras. Loser.

Mc Donalds Job Application

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.



PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries

Miscellaneous: 13 Ways to Be Happy

1) Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things.
2) Make the best of your circumstances. No one has everyting, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.
3) Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people.
4) You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism worry you.
5) Don't let your neighbour set your standards. Be yourself.
6) Do things you enjoy doing but stay out of debt.
7) Never borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones.
8) Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy, avoid people ho make you unhappy.
9) Have many interests. If you can't travel, read about new places.
10) Don't hold postmortems. Don't spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don't be one who never gets over things.
11) Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.
12) Keep busy at something. A busy person never has time to be unhappy.
13) Don't worry. Turn it over to God!!

I will read this list on a daily!! I will be adding to this list.

Autumn Trees

Inspiration: To those with ears to hear and eyes to see, there will be very great release from unbearable burdens in the language of autumn trees, for example, when they dress most gloriously in preparation for death. The red of the leaves is the sign of the cross. Winter follows, when snow closes everything in frozen silence. The trees then are skeletons, but wonders are being performed under the surface of things. Spring comes, and the gidden wonders burst out all at once-tiny shoots, swelling buds, touches of green and red where all seemed hopeless the day before..Plain lessons for us, if we'll open our eyes.
If the leaves had not been let go to fall and wither, if the tree had not consented to be a skeleton for many months, there would be no new life rising, no bud, no flower, no fruit, no seed, no new generation.
From: Inspirational Study Bible by: Max Lucado

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Funny computer key

Joke: Irish Medical Dictionary

No offence to the Irish heh, I just kept the title as it is from the email I received

Artery - The study of paintings


Bacteria - Back door to a cafeteria

Barium - What doctors do when patients die

Benign - What you be after you're eight

Caesarean Section - A neighbourhood in Rome

Catscan - Searching for Kitty

Cauterize - Made eye contact with her

Colic - A sheep dog

Coma - A punctuation mark

Dilate - To live long

Enema - Not a friend

Fester - Quicker than someone else

Fibula - A small lie

Impotent - Distinguished, well-known

Labour pain - Getting hurt at work

Medical staff - A Doctor's cane

Morbid - A higher offer

Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates

Node - I knew it

Outpatient - A person who has fainted

Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis

Post operative - A letter carrier

Recovery room - A place to do upholstery

Rectum - Nearly killed him

Secretion - Hiding something

Seizure - Roman emperor

Tablet - A small table

Terminal illness - Getting ill at the airport

Tumour - One plus one more

Urine - Opposite of you're out

2 x Condoms - To be sure, to be sure

Instant Comfort/Little things that calm me down and lift me up

I am going to try to list 100 Instant Comfort Things in the next week(more added daily), so that I can look at this list in the future when stressing out and pick 5 to help me relax....Warning!! There are links....
1) Reading a good Stephen King book
2) Taking a hot shower and changing into pajamas after a long, stressful day
3) Hugs
4) Getting my hair done
5) Prince singing anything (3121 is the SHIT)
6) A filled-to-the brim gas tank
7) The sound of my 12 year old coming home from school
8) Quiet
9) Watching my 2 year old nephew read (look at pictures in a magazine or book)
10) Campfires
11) Home baked Macaroni and Cheese
12) Checking things off my t0-do list
13) Pulling my blankie all the way up to my nose(yes I do have a blankie)
14) Falling asleep without having to take an Ambien
15) A fully stocked fridge
16) Fully stocked cabinets
17) A big scoop of Rocky Road ice cream
18) Finally killing that annoying fly that woke me up buzzing in my ear this morning
19) A supersoft hooded sweatshirt
20) A quiet morning to myself
21) Coffee perculating
22) A hot shower after a workout
23) Brownies baking in the oven
24) Sinking into a hot bath, no kids around
25) My son's voice, when he's happy
26) Reading my study bible early in the morning before anyone wakes up
27) A hot cup of Tension Tamer Tea
28) Something simmering in my crockpot
29) The smell of home baked lasagna
30) A good Wendy French book
31) Collecting Sand Dollar sea shells on the beach
32) Watching a waterfall
33) A Lakers game and a cold beer
34) Freshly folded laundry

35) Early morining internet (it's 6:30 a.m.) 3121 in the background

36) A good movie with a good friend (Last Movie seen "The Departed!!")

37) Good dreams instead of night terrors

38) Not finishing a horrible book (Survivor by: J.F. Gonzalez, sicko)

39) Catching 3-4 good crabs

40) Fishing with my son Johnny.

41) Watching my son make the perfect cast

42) A check in the mail

43) Books in the mail (like Xmas)

44) A smile and a wave from the neighbor (JT)

45) A smile and a wave from the neighbor (Armando)

46) Finding that your work was saved, after all, when your computer crashes!!

47) A good beer buzz early in the morning

48) Feeling 'Beautiful, Loved and Blessed'

49) E-40 rappen about anythang

50) A good cookbook (fav: Patty Labelle's

'Labelle Cuisine')
51)Finding money while doing laundry, that I know wasn't mine!
52) A godd Zora Neale Hurston book(now reading 'Jonah's Gourd Vine')
53) My nephew fresh out of the bath.
54) General Hospital on a Friday afternoon(cliffhanger day)
55) A good salad with all the fixens(Feta cheese, advacado, tomato, carrots, celery,cabbage.)
56) Judge Judy
57) A Joyce Meyer sermon and book(now reading 'The Confident Woman')
58) A good old Grilled Cheese sandwhich.
59) A good old Tuna Melt.
60) Laughing with a good friend.
61) Writing in my journals.
62) Being single.
63) Dru Hill
64) Johnny's drawings.
65) A little sarcasm.
66) Judge Joe Brown.
67) Funny junk.com(You Kicked My Dog)

Suffering: How Do We Respond?

Investigators Seek Clues in NYC Crash


NEW YORK (AP) -- Federal investigators continue to search for clues about the plane crash that killed New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle and a flight instructor. The National Transportation Safety Board says there is no indication a distress call was made before the plane crashed into a Manhattan apartment building yesterday. continued....

I was pretty shaken when I tuned into the news yesterday afternoon. At first I thought, 'Another terrorist attack.' PANIC. And then we find it was just an accident. I had to find something to help me deal with these mixed feelings. A feeling of relief, because it wasn't something as big as a terrorist attack, but also a feeling of loss and fear. At any moment a plane can crash land into my apartment. I don't have to fly to be afraid of airplanes.
I found something to help me deal with that fear in "Our Daily Bread". Yesterdays reading went like this.



Suffering: How Do We Respond?
Man who is born of woman is of few day and full of trouble.
-Job 14:1

Why is there suffering? You might ask that question when you hear of hurricanes, mudslides, earthquakes, and other disasters taking people's lives. Job asked that question too.
Why is there so much pain in God's world? Consider these reasons:
1) We can't escape the laws that govern our universe. We need such things as gravity, weather, and fire to survive, but they can lead to tragedy. (Mathew 5:45). Fire is good in your stove, but an out-of-control fire can kill.
2) We are a social race. Our lives are intertwined, so we sometimes suffer when the sin or foolishness of others spreads trouble (1 Corinthians 12:26).
3) Sin brought a curse on the earth and its people. This curse includes disease and death (Genesis 3:15-24).
4) Suffering awakens compassion. Jesus told us to care for those who suffer in poverty. We are His partners in helping others (Luke 10:33-35)
As Job discovered, God's world is a fallen place. When we see suffering, we can use it as an opportunity to serve God by helping others, to trust Him in spite of the difficulty, and to grow in our faith in Him.
When trouble hits, let our first reaction be to trust the Lord and care for the needs of others. -Dave Branon

For Further Study
Wondering about the reason for your trials? Read the online booklet "Why Would A Good God Allow Suffering? at http://www.rbc.org/bible_study/discovery_series/booklet/30993.aspx


Our response to suffering can either make us or break us.

People, Places, Things, and Ideas

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empbty of it's furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight. -Rumi

Joke: Female Comebacks

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

Joke: Pick Up Lines

Bond. James Bond.
Off. Piss off.

Hello.
Goodbye.

Queuing is so boring, don't you find?
It is now.

Shall we go and see a film next week?
I've seen it.

Why not be original and say yes?
No.

You're irresistible.
You're resistible.

What's it like being the most attractive person here?
You'll never know.

Would you like to come back to my place for a bacardi and grope?
No, just a gin and platonic, thanks.

Very difficult getting served here. What are you having in case I get served first?
An attack of nausea.

Do you kiss with your eyes closed?
I would if I were kissing you.

Are your legs tired? You've been running through my mind all day.
Yes - I was looking for a brain cell.

I think I could make you very happy.
Why, are you leaving?

I'd go through anything for you.
Great, the exit's just over there.

Hey baby, what's your sign?
Do not enter.

Are you free tomorrow night?
No, but I'm on special offer the day after.

Can I buy you a drink?
I would think so - why don't you ask the barman?

Can I buy you a drink?
I'd rather just have the cash.

Where have you been all my life?
What do you mean - I wasn't even born for the first half of it.

Can you give me your name, please?
I don't think 'Melissa' would suit you.

Cheer up darling, it may never happen.
It just has.

Do you mind if I smoke?
I don't care if you burn.

I'm sure I've noticed you before.
I'm not sure I've even noticed you yet.

Kiss me and I'll tell you a secret.
I know your secret - I work at the clinic.

May I introduce myself?
Certainly - try those people over there.

Shall we go all the way?
Yes, as long as it's in different directions.

When can we be alone?
We'll be alone when we're not with each other. Hopefully that'll be soon.

Will you come out with me on Saturday?
Sorry, I'm having a headache at the weekend.

Women say I have the gift of the gab.
I suggest you wrap it up, then.

Would you like another drink?
Do you really think our relationship will last that long?

Joke: Nice Poetry

Roses are red, Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you.

Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then ~
I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi
He saw me in dark, he created light
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

When your life is in darkness pray to God
Ask him to free u from darkness
And if after you pray
And you're still in darkness,
Please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!

Vintage Prince/Sexuality

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Prince/Black Sweat

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Prince Parody/Black Sweat (Pretty Funny)

teeeee heeeeeee, ..watch til the end where she screams, Fall off my chair every time!!omg....aghhhhh Brilliant, I love prince, and i am sure he loves this!Marrrrrvlous..


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This is what I'm doing today. Finding viedo's and posting them. My son John taught me how. I am recovering from yesterday's hang over. I figure I have to either quit drinking or quit taking my meds. HMMMM. Choices, choices. The mixture makes me sick as a dog. Close to death it seems. I'll make up my mind by the end of this day......

Musicology by: My favorite man Prince

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Dave Chappelle is a fool!

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Missing in action

I messed up and fell behind on my cable/internet bill. The shit got cut off. so no blogging for over a month. I could have lost my mind. Wait a minute, that's already been done. Internet is finally back up so here I am again. I will be surfing blogs all night.

"The 4400" RETURNS FOR SEASON FOUR

The Emmy-nominated Series Returns to USA with 13 Original Episodes for Summer 2007

LOS ANGELES -- August 22, 2006 -- USA Network has ordered 13 one-hour episodes of the Emmy-nominated and critically-acclaimed hit series The 4400, it was announced today by Jeff Wachtel, USA's executive vice president, original programming. The series, which has garnered an Emmy nomination, will return to USA Network in summer 2007 with production scheduled to begin in Vancouver in early 2007. The 4400 is produced by CBS Paramount Network Television in Association with Sky Television, Renegade 83 and American Zoetrope for USA Network. Read more.....

Hope for Night Terrors? Peaceful Sleep

I have night terrors that can keep me from sleeping for days. Last night was pretty bad. I had one nightmare after the other. I usually have what is call 'sleep paralysis,' but this was just straight up night mares that I didn't want to go back to. Finally around 2 in the morning I said f*** it and got up and went out with a friend. Right now I'm probably on about 2 hours of sleep and manic as hell. Hello!! I no longer take Ambien, don't need another addiction, so I will turn to prayer. My sister told me about this prayer in the book we both have (Prayers That Avail Much by: Germaine Copeland) Here it go....

Peaceful Sleep

In the name of Jesus, I bind you, Satan, and all your agents from my dreams. I forbid you to interfere in any way with my sleep.

I bring every thought, every imagination and every dream into the captivity and obedience of Jesus Christ. Father, I thank You that even as I sleep my heart counsels me and reveals to me Your purpose and plan. Thank you for sweet sleep, for You promised Your beloved sweet sleep. Therefore, my heart is glad, and my spirit rejoices. My body and soul rest and confidently dwell in safety. Amen.

I need Inspiration

Discouraged people don't need critics.
They hurt enough already. They don't
need more guilt or piled-on distress.
They need encouragement.
They need a refuge.
A place to hide and heal.
A willing, caring, available someone.

Inspiration from my Good Book(The Inspirational Study Bible by: Max Lucado)


I need people who give me encouragement in my struggles with my mentality and my alcoholism. I am told you are an alcoholic for life but I don't believe that for a minute. In God you can be made new. I pray that one day I will find that man who will inspire me and not criticize me in a time of need.

Thought for the Day...
Few of us can stand prosperity--another man's, I mean.
Following the Equator - Mark Twain

HOPE FOR THE BLUES

You’ve felt it yourself, or at least listened to other people talk about it—the blues, times of dark discouragement. Lynette Joy, in an article for christianwomentoday.com, tells of several steps we can take during those dark times to turn toward Jesus, . . .more



I try to read "Our Daily Bread" every day. It really does change my attitude and helps me with direction. I get a booklet monthly in the mail at no charge, it's always good to donate money to help others get the Word.

Devotional articles for each day of the week will challenge and inspire as you spend time in God's Word with the help of Our Daily Bread.

To receive a sample of "Our Daily Bread," please fill out the form.

You should check out the movie Manic. I just watched it last night.



Manic
.

Increased physical and mental activity and energy

Heightened mood, exaggerated optimism and self-confidence

Excessive irritability, aggressive behavior

Decreased need for sleep without experiencing fatigue

Grandiose delusions, inflated sense of self-importance

Racing speech, racing thoughts, flight of ideas

Impulsiveness, poor judgment, distractibility

Reckless behavior

In the most severe cases, delusions and hallucinations


You feel unusually confident

You need less sleep

You are unusually talkative

Your thoughts come and go faster than usual

You are more easily distracted or have trouble concentrating

You are more goal-directed at work, school or home

You are more involved in pleasurable or high-risk activities, such as spending or sex

You feel like you’re doing or saying things that are unlike your usual self

Other people say you’re acting strangely or you’re not yourself

I had a lot of these symptoms the last couple of days. I want off this crazy roller coaster.I will be seein Dr. Luri in the morning and I am going to have him prescribe Lamictal. Common side effects are dizziness, headache, blurred or double vision, Lack of coordinaiton(I was never to coordinated to begin with)sleepiness, nausea, vomiting, insomnia, rash. I'll start with the lowest dose which is 25 Mgs. I'll pray that I don't have any bad side effects. I'm a wimp when it comes to shit like that

Bush is a lie!!!

There was a guy who died and went to heaven. He noticed that heaven was full of clocks so he asked St. Peter, "what are the clocks for?" and St. Peter answered, "the clocks move everytime a person tells a lie."

So the guy looked around and noticed that George Bush's clock was missing.

"Where is the president's clock?" He asked.

St. Peter replied, "It's in hell. Satan's using it as a ceiling fan."

It is better to be crazy and know it
than sane and wonder.

~Unknown

Jesus said, "If your first concern is to look after yourself, youll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, youll find both yourself and me."

Matthew 10:39

It's a Tension Tamer Tea Day!

So I drink a little too much,
and I laugh a little too much,
and the tunes I request are not always the best.
But what else can you do at the end of a love affair._Chaka Khan_

I said I would never do that, write lyrics to a song on my blog, but it definitely fit. I had a ball the other night and I paid for it yesterday. One night of drinking and a full day to recover. The older I get the longer the recovery time. Tension Tamer Tea is great for hangovers!! It also works well for panic and anxiety attacks.




Drinking tea can help burn extra fat and calories.

Did you know that drinking tea can help you lose weight? It’s true. Some teas can even help burn fat and calories. A recent scientific study supports green tea’s ability to burn fat and increase metabolism! Read more....

Next I'll try 'Cellestial Seasoning's Detox tea.' Lord knows we can all use some detoxing, whether you drink or not.



“Find me a place in the sunlight
to sit and think and listen to
the sweet inner voice that says so quietly,
'Peace, be still'.”
— Joyce Sequichie Hifler

If someone ever asks
'What's wrong with your mind?'
I shall not utter a word
And keep the answer inward
'No, not the mind...
It's the pain inside...'

Ambien
I went to my doctor yesterday and spoke with her further about Ambien. She said we had to watch my use of Ambien more closely. In order for her to refill my perscription every month I will have to see her first. She called it a controlled substance. What is that exactly? I'll have to look it up. I asked her if that meant it was a narcotic. She said no. I have had problems in the past with narcotics in prescription drugs (Atavan knocked me on my ass) and I never want to go there again!! The more I read about Ambien the more I want to just let it go. Why wait for more problems to surface like sleepwalking. Or sleepdriving. Scary stuff.
The official Ambien site tells us all we need to know. They covered everything.
Not meant to be taken for long periods of time. Can be addicting.
I was given some advice in a forum I was in(Clinical practice discussion forum).. Check out the book "No More Sleepness Nights, By: Peter Hauri. I put it on order at the library right away.

To Ambien or not to Ambien, that is question....
I was so in between being manic and depressed today I don't know what to do with myself. If I don't take an Ambien tonight I will not sleep. But at the same time I am kind of afraid of Ambien. In the middle of the day, I start nodding out. I'm watching my nephew and I am like, gosh a nap would be good right now. I can't be getting drowsy taking care of a 2 year old. I would go to sleep and wake up finding that he has taken over. Juice and cereal all over me. I can see how people can fall asleep at the wheel if they had taken Ambien the night before. Maybe sleepwalking is next for me. HOPE NOT. That is one of the side effects right? More research needed on sleepwalking while on Ambien.....
Check out the Patrick Kennedy "May 2006 Capitol Hill accident report." I thought it was a reason to stop using Ambien until I read more about the incident, tonight. I think he was simply 'just drunk' and tried to blame it on Ambien. But, basically, he was drunk and taking Ambien. If he does have a serious drug problem, it needs to be adressed before someone really gets hurt or dead. The mixture can f$#& you up, right?? What is your opinion on that?? Any Ambien stories out there??
So for now I think I will take one and talk to my doctor in the morning. I will be seeing doctor Judy on Wednesday. I will try not to lie and say everything is OK. Cause it's only Ok on the days when I have to see her. The rest of the week can be basicly s#@t, but I will sit there and pretend like everything is peachy. I realize now that I have to be honest. I am still fighting with family members and others, when I get in these crazy ass moods. It's hard to tell the truth. I want to be sane!! I want to just pretend I am sane. When people who know me, ask me, "How are you doing today" I really don't want to burden them with the truth. What do I say "I've been going out of my mind today" Who really cares. Everyone has something more pressing to deal with, than dealing with little old Angie. I know I sound really down right now but, really I'm not. Just sorting through some junk in my head. I need a beer, so I'm going on a beer run.

You Are 62% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

You Are A Sometimes Ex

You're sometimes an ex, and sometimes you two are back together And while your ex may seem like old news right now... You've got to wonder why you keep getting sucked back in

What Type of Ex Are You?

This is what I did tonight instead of watching fireworks.I surfed blogs and did some surveys. I feel too jittery to watch the fireworks, jumping at every noise. I have this dreadful feeling that something really bad is going to happen tonight. I don't even want my son outside, but how can I ruin his fun because I'm having panic attacks???

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have low conscientiousness. Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously. Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions. Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism. It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed. You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully. You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

You Are an Excellent Cook

You're a top cook, but you weren't born that way. It's taken a lot of practice, a lot of experimenting, and a lot of learning. It's likely that you have what it takes to be a top chef, should you have the desire...

Are You A Good Cook?

You Are 36% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

'Morning After' Pill Helps Psychotic Depression:

Study(Oct. 8, 2002) It's stirred up much controversy, but the abortion pill known as RU486, also called mifepristone, appears to have another use that few are likely to oppose: a treatment for psychotic depression.

A small study on a group of 30 volunteers at Stanford University indicated that the abortion pill resulted in improvements in symptoms for psychotic depression, which can include not only feelings of hopelessness and sadness, but hallucinations and delusions.
"Some psychotically depressed patients are dramatically better within a few days," says Alan Schatzberg, MD, chair of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford. They stop hearing voices and having pessimistic kinds of delusions, like they're dying or the world is ending. We've seen the response within a four day study. This is fairly dramatic."
Read more.....

Happy Independance Day?

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies
In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776


Were you aware that on September 11,2001, 3 buildings fell in New York. They were all demolished with explosives detonated inside the buildings. Can you say cover up? Here is picture perfect proof. .
This is video of the third building being demolished

Who really has the weapons of mass destruction???
I pray for our troops safe return everyday. I pray that this madness will be over!!!

I really want to be more personal in my posts, but it's hard talking about myself, especially if family is reading my blog. Maybe I should just do a blog with an anonymous name. I have been reading a lot of blogs on being bipolar. I would rather use the old day term, manic depression, because the manic part is what really stands out. Some people don't want to admit to their doctors that they are manic (well, I had a hard time telling my doctor about the manic episodes) because the highs felt soooo good. The problem came when the high turned into a low low low. I would be talking a mile a minute, making all kinds of plans, cleaning the house like a mad woman, and that was the time when I would really drink heavily and sometimes drug. What a rush. Then the next day I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. Depressed as hell!! I have tried several drugs for the manic side of me. Let's see, I was on Risperdal twice. Each time I gained so much weight (30 pounds in one month) that I stayed depressed. Had to let that one go. Before that I tried Abilify, and that just put me in a daze for the two months I was on it. I started going to be hella early, 7 or 8 p.m. And then I would sleep until well after noon. What kind of life is that. When I told my doc he said that drug usually had an opposite effect on his other clients. It also gave me tremors, which sometimes felt like I had a tick. Well, I kind of gave up on my search for the right drug right. But I need to get back on track with that. I started having problems again. Mood swings and shit. One minute happy, next minute sad, next minute ready to scream!!! Any ideas on the right drug?