HOW MANY ZEROS IN A BILLION

How many zeros in a billion??? Good shit…

This is too true to be funny.

The next time you hear a politician use the

word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about

whether you want the 'politicians' spending

YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,

but one advertising agency did a good job of

putting that figure into some perspective in

one of it's releases.
A.
A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B.

A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were

living in the Stone Age.

D.

A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E.

A billion dollars ago was only

8 hours and 20 minutes,

at the rate our government

is spending it.


While this thought is still fresh in our brain...

let's take a look at New Orleans ...

It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.


Louisiana Senator,
Mary Landrieu (D)

is presently asking Congress for

250 BILLION DOLLARS

to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number...

what does it mean?



A.

Well... if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans

(every man, woman, and child)

you each get $516,528.


B.

Or... if you have one of the 188,251 homes in

New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.


C.

Or... if you are a family of four,

your family gets $2,066,012.



Washington, D. C.

HELLO!



Are all your calculators broken??




Accounts Receivable Tax

Building Permit Tax

CDL License Tax

Cigarette Tax

Corporate Income Tax

Dog License Tax

Federal Income Tax

Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)

Fishing License Tax

Food License Tax

Fuel Permit Tax

Gasoline Tax

Hunting License Tax

Inheritance Tax

Inventory Tax

IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)

IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)

Liquor Tax

Luxury Tax

Marriage License Tax

Medicare Tax

Property Tax

Real Estate Tax

Service charge taxes

Social Security Tax

Road Usage Tax (Truckers)

Sales Taxes

Recreational Vehicle Tax

School Tax

State Income Tax

State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)

Telephone Federal Excise Tax

Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax

Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax

Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax

Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax Telephone State and Local Tax

Telephone Usage Charge Tax

Utility Tax

Vehicle License Registration Tax

Vehicle Sales Tax

Watercraft Registration Tax

Well Permit Tax

Workers Compensation Tax


STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?


Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...

and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.


We had absolutely no national debt...

We had the largest middle class in the world... and Mom stayed home to raise the kids .



What happened?

Can you spell 'politicians!'


And .. I still have to

press "1"

for English.


I hope this goes around the

U S A

at least a billion times!!!





What the heck happened????

"Happy Mail" Wanted!
Children fighting for their lives have very little to smile about. You can change that by sending them some "Happy Mail." Cheery cards give these kids a few more smiles, a little more hope, and a reason to get out of bed each day.
Experience the satisfaction of making a sick child's day and giving them something to look forward to. Send a card and a hug -- one of the smiles you create just might be your own!

Mammograms Funnies

Had to share - this is funny! Be sure and read the exercises at the end... before your next mammography.

Mammograms (Honestly, a mammogram is not this bad!!! *LOL* So let nothing prevent you from having this procedure done... it could save your life!!!!) Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.
EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up unt il your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!AND, just a thought for all the women out there........MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown,MENopause............Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?.........AndWhen we have real trouble it's HISterectomy!!!!Send this to all women to have a laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra.... Hard to Find... Supportive Comfortable Always Lifts You Up Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!! Share this with a friend! I DID

A Tennessee Woman is in the Welfare Office Filling out Forms

Funny !!
A Tennessee woman is in the welfare office filling out forms.
The welfare officer asks her how many children she has?
"Ten boys."
"And their names?"
Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, and Leroy."
All named Leroy? Why would you name them all Leroy?"
"That way, when I wants them all to come in from the yard, I
just yells 'LEROY!', and when I wants them all to come to
dinner, I just yells 'LEROY!'"
"What if you just want a particular one of them to do something?"
"Then I calls him by his last name."